What I Learned From 12 Rejection Letters

Harvard, Graduate, School, Rejection, Letter, Lesson, Lessons, Learned, Help, Travel, Black, BloggerIT HURT.

My first rejection letter came from the University of Michigan Business School. I kept refreshing my email to see if I’d get a follow-up response explaining some technical issue. No such response came. It hurt, but I figured I just had to get in to at least one school. The University of Pennsylvania rejection came next, followed by the Stanford rejection, and so forth. Finally, the twelfth rejection crept its ugly head into my inbox. By then, I did what every overachiever who had never been rejected would do–I felt sorry for myself.

I wish I could say that I underwent some dynamic spiritual enlightenment. I even wish I could say that I came across some wise advice in a book. In truth, the only reason why I dragged myself out of my wallowing stupor was because I thoroughly hated my job. The twelfth rejection letter coupled with a meeting reviewing internal company emails forced me to learn my first lesson:

LIFE IS MEANT FOR LIVING

I felt stuck. I had a well-paying job–that I hated. My socially acceptable graduate school escape route hadn’t panned out the way I had hoped. Nothing but desperation forced me to try something I had always wanted. I decided to teach abroad.

I now realize that my choice illustrates that many obstacles are a product of perception. When we become so consumed with our immediate problems—we fail to see the detours leading to our desired destination.

TAKE TIME TO DISCONNECT

Like a completely reasonable twenty-something, I packed up all my things and left to teach in China. I can’t say that the entire time was picture perfect. Living as a black woman in China surely had its difficulties. Yet, the most rewarding part was the ability to disconnect.

I could not count on my nonexistent Mandarin skills to communicate with others. In fact, most of my days were spent in silence. I could not rely on the empty praises of friends and family to stifle my insecurities. I could not morph into the expectations that IMG_6284society held for my race, gender, and social class. I had to face myself.

You don’t have to travel across the world to disconnect. All it takes is spending fifteen minutes away from to-do lists, social media, cell phones, and loved ones. Try out guided meditation to start. You’ll be amazed at what you find stirring within.

THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS FINDING YOURSELF

This lesson takes me back to my first year in college. I served in the early childhood education program, Jumpstart, and loved it! Then, a friend reminded me that I could not pile on loans just to be a teacher. I swiftly switched my aspirations toward Corporate America.

Let’s fast forward to my time in Shenzhen, China. When I recognized that I felt full of life while teaching–it wasn’t that I found some completely new person. I had just stopped lying to myself. I have always been an educator, but somewhere along the line I told myself that being an educator wasn’t good enough.

There’s no such thing as finding yourself. You never got lost. A truer statement is that we all need to become comfortable in our own skin. When we are unclouded by the expectations of our external environments, we are free to live out our true selves.

THE WORLD IS A REALLY BIG PLACE

Great Wall, China, Asia, Travel, Backpacker, Black, Blogger,It sounds like common sense, but the world is a really big place. When I looked out at the ingenuity of the Great Wall of China, I realized how minimal my everyday complaints were. I met natives of the Philippines, Indonesia, and Cambodia who made daily sacrifices to put food on their tables. Yet, they still lived and loved with smiles on their faces. In many ways, seeing more of the world put my own small life into perspective. I have been  blessed beyond measure.

Nothing is wrong with feeling sorry for yourself. After all, sorrow is a part of your truth. The problem arises when you become imprisoned in self-pity. We have life to live abundantly. One small encounter with the world’s wondrous scenery will remind you not to waste your entire lifetime on complaints and regrets.

RECOGNIZE YOUR FEAR, AND TRY AGAIN ANYWAY
In hindsight, it was probably a bit ambitious to apply to highly competitive doctoral programs with a little over a year of work experience and less than average test scores. Ambition is OK. I failed…12 times. Failure is OK too. My failure led a detour that expanded my world.

Despite all I had learned, I was still terrified. I hope you’ve caught the pattern by now—fear is OK too. I trembled each time I hit the submit button on my recent graduate school applications.

Harvard, acceptance, Masters, education, program, blog, black, blogger, travelThankfully, I received a different outcome this time around. My University of Pennsylvania acceptance came first, followed by Stanford, Harvard, and so forth. My inbox was filled with acceptance letters and funding for each program.

TEACH SOMEONE ELSE
While my acceptance into these schools is surely a part of my highlight reel—it is all meaningless if I neglect to use my knowledge, skills, and passion to help someone else. Prior to leaving for graduate school, I’ve committed myself to serving my Washington D.C. community by launching the summer reading program Booked Kids. The goal is to teach children one of my favorite lessons—you can travel anywhere with a book.

Booked Kids, Travel, Blog, Black, Education, Children, Literacy, Parents, Washington DC, Non-profit, group

You don’t have to launch a community initiative. (By now you must get it…I’m an overachiever). Rather, one of the surest ways to overcome a setback is by recognizing that you are gifted enough to serve someone else. It can be as simple as volunteering an hour or sharing a word of encouragement.

I wrote this post on purpose. We are inundated by social media messages where EVERYONE is celebrating their highlights. Please don’t forget that the highlight is only one part of the larger picture. Every failure, success, tear, and smile is a gift. It is how we use each gift that ultimately determines our outcomes.

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28 thoughts on “What I Learned From 12 Rejection Letters

  1. This was a well written article and I think I need to explore a few options myself. Figure out what my passion in life is and what I can contribute to the world.

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  2. Your openness and vulnerability are truly inspiring. I really resonated with what you wrote, as a fellow overachiever. Thank you for sharing.
    I’m going through a period where things aren’t working out the way I’d imagine or hope (unable to find permanent positions and regularly told I’m overqualified though I feel like I don’t have concrete experience in doing much for long) and so, I’ve decided to stop banging my head against the wall playing small in places that are compromises in every sense of the word and I’m planning to pack up and move to Bolivia in June. Something I actually wanted to do a few years ago, but didn’t.
    And then lol I’d like to come back at some point and try my hand at Grad school apps (and for doctoral programs of all things)..

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    • Wow that’s amazing! So excited and happy that you’ve decided to stop banging your head against the wall. I can’t even begin to imagine the doors that will open up for you in Bolivia! Good luck with doctoral program apps!!

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  3. This was a wonderful, engaging and inspirational read of my week! Sometimes we never recover from unexpected rejections and I applaud your diligence and gracefulness through it all.

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  4. I saw this posted on the Spelman website and got interested. This really spoke to me. After getting rejected by 3 graduate programs, I’ve been feeling confused and at a lost of what to do. Those rejections were somewhat a blessing in disguise because it’s helping me to see what I really want to do. I don’t know if grad school is even right for me right now, or if i even really NEED to go to grad school for what I want to do. Thanks for being so open and honest in this post. It has definitely encouraged me.

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  5. Thank you so much for this post. As a Spelman Alumna currently living in China,this was something I really needed to see. Like you said,so often there is so much celebration about our success, but never any conversation about our failures.Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable about your own.As I approach the end of this chapter and into the next one,I am fearful.Seeing your post made me realize that these feelings are okay.

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  6. Ms. Benson, I have believed in you from day one. Life isn’t always a straight path. I remain optimistic that you will achieve beyond measure. Keep striving!!!! Tell your truth.
    Make Success Happen!
    Dr. Cox Edmondson, Morehouse

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    • Dr. Edmondson! It is so good to hear from you. It is also such an honor that you read my work. I hope all is well at Morehouse! Sorry for the delayed response on this one. I had trouble with WordPress that I just sorted out.

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  7. I remember seeing you around campus even though I was in classes below you. And this was a really good blog! Thank you for sharing!!! Where did you end up deciding to go??

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  8. You’re such an inspiration Deaweh!! So very proud of you and all that you’ve learned/accomplished. You’re just getting started. Xoxo

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  9. Thank you so much! Going through a career change and stepping out on faith during my transition! I needed this! I’m so afraid yet proud of myself for leaving a job I was miserable at.

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